Modern Art

                                                  SHIT FOR SHITHEADS

     "This is Louella Lubricity with NPR and Art Corner. Thank you listeners and welcome. Today we are privileged to share a tete a tete with a rising star in the San Francisco art scene, Buck Spike. At times branded an outsider, often recognized as a rebel and even once or twice accused of being a figurative painter in disguise, his distinctive abstract art offers diffusive scents of the artist's oft proclaimed disgust with modern art and its reflection of modern life. We now join him at his latest show, Shit For Shitheads. Mr. Spike, the title of your show is controversial to say the least, almost an occlusion for the viewer."
     "Well then, let's get things flowin' again."
     "Um, by all means, Mr. Spike. Can you describe your new show and give us a peek into your artistic process? I hear you are most definitely breaking new ground."
     "All these canvases start their lives out by the side of the terlet, babe. And call me Buck. I just keep wipin' me ass with 'em until I am satisfied they will appeal to some shithead with a lotta moola. I call the routine ‘Wipe, Stretch, Sell’."
     (Laughter)
     "Very amusing, Mr. Sp - Buck. I must admit, the limited palette and lumpy impasto give credence to the effect you are implying."
     "I ain't implying nothin', Doll."
     "City code and the Health Department notwithstanding, Buck, if what you are suggesting is true, don't you ever worry that potential patrons would be put off by the medium itself?"
     "The fact that there's shit smeared all over the canvases they're lookin' at is the sellin' point. When some double dipshit buys a painting and has a party for his double dipshit friends, they gotta have some shit too. It's the same old story, from high colonics to $300 a pound turd coffee."
     "Turd coffee?"
     "Civet turds, monkey turds, elephant turds take yer pick."
     "Yes, I see, very well, Buck, assuming that's the case and far be it from me to poopoo the latest idiosyncratic trends in consumerism or modern art, do you feel that you are following in the footsteps of all artists by participating in the age old tradition of giving a part of yourself in your art?"
     (Laughter)
     "I don't know what the fuck yer talkin' about, darlin'. I just decided what with all the shit out there passin' as art at jack ass jingo prices, I might as well sell all these moronic shit heads the real thing. It's a lot less work and I don't have to pay fer toilet paper."
     "That's all well and good, Buck but I can't help waxing philosophically that your abstracted imagery at the very least explores the coexistence of light and darkness, understanding and misunderstanding, purity and pollution."
     "It's just a buncha shit, lady."
     (Laughter)
     "Thank you, Buck. Shit For Shitheads lasts through the middle of July but if you go, plan on just taking a look at the art. The show is sold out. This is Louella Lubricity with NPR and Art Corner. Be sure to tune in next week. Thank you, listeners and good night."

CR
Rick Hill