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It’s 2011 and the nation is still reeling from the great recession. Citizens are
confused, scared, and furious. Eleven of those Americans, each sure of what has gone
wrong with their country and what must be done about it have managed to book a cheap
cruise of the Greek islands. DAN has lost his restaurant to the Oligarchs devouring what’s
left of the economy. LUCIA has lost her marriage and her investment in the private prison
industry to the little people who have, to the horror of GLADYS and NADINE, put a Communist,
Socialist, Bolshevik, Hottentot in the White House, a president who offers BOB and SALLY the
Change They Can Believe In. Running from a Tsunami of college debt, JUSTIN and
COURTNEY snarl at the Baby Boomers who put them there. JOHN is amazed he has lived
through the hatred he has suffered all his life and is grieving that his husband has not.
BUCK, a Vietnam vet furious that Wall Street is working over the world like a seventy-year-old
senator works over a seventeen-year-old intern and CEASARIA, an octogenarian who compares the lot
to cannibals DANCING AROUND THE COOKING POT are wobbly guard rails to a Molotov cocktail
of skeletons dancing in every one's closet. A tour of Knossos, an earthquake, a riot, a storm at sea,
and an affair that boils across the Aegean in cabins, suites, lifeboats, closets and donkey stables
set the fire ablaze and the cauldron bubbling. It’s times for dinner.
DANCING AROUND THE COOKING POT is an 88,000-word literary novel that relishes the personalities of a hilariously savage cast of Americans in a dark warning of what is to come.
I am an award-winning artist and have published fiction and illustrations, written a graphic novel, short stories, poetry and commentary.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Richard Hill rthill13@gmail.com 2110 Jackson Street #602 San Francisco, CA 94115
Instagram: rtill13 - Website: rickhillsf.com - Facebook: Rick Hill SF 415-793-4279
Dan was laying half-conscious in an alley. Drooling rats on filthy garbage cans were staring down at him. They began to sing.
"The world is an angry world and God is an angry God.
It's survival of the fittest and dog eat dog.
There ain't no place for love and compassion.
It's eat or be eaten, that's the fashion.
A rat's a rat and a man's a man.
There ain't no difference and that's God's plan."
He woke with a scream. If he didn’t move his ass, he was going to miss the ship. The
sweat evaporated as fast as it poured out of his skin as he twitched under the
pounding Athenian sun. A redhead walked out of the lobby. His taxi didn’t show. Hers did.
He mentioned Piraeus and the cruise he had booked. She invited him in with a nod. Before
he knew it, he was deep in an affair that burned across the Aegean in cabins, suites,
lifeboats, closets and donkey stables on a ship full of eccentric fellow citizens, each one
convinced they knew what had gone wrong with their country. BUCK, a Viet Nam vet was
furious that Wall Street was working over the world like a seventy-year-old senator works
over a seventeen-year-old intern. BOB and SALLY beamed with the change they could
believe in from their first African American president. GLADYS and NADINE were aghast
that the little people put a Bolshevik, Kenyan, Hottentot in the White House.
This Molotov Cocktail was shaken one night at the bar so hard that CESARIA, an
octogenarian bedecked in a whirlwind of tribal fabrics proclaimed the ruckus sounded like
cannibals DANCING AROUND THE COOKING POT and entices everyone to join her
on a tour of the ruins of Knossos. COURTNEY and JUSTIN, a pair of millennials maxing out
their credit cards and JOHN, grieving the recent death of his husband were on the tour bus.
An American politician touring the site with his shrew of a wife was happy to take the
stage and make it very clear who was of charge in the Greatest Country in the World. Then
an earthquake buried them both alive. A tear gas drenched escape through riot torn
Heraklion before the ship sailed bound everyone together. A storm at sea was another matter.
The fire was lit, the cauldron was bubbling and it was time for dinner.
DANCING AROUND THE COOKING POT is an 88,000-word literary novel that relishes the personalities of a hilariously savage cast of Americans in a dark warning of what is to come.
I am an award-winning artist and have published fiction and illustrations, written a graphic novel, short stories, poetry and commentary.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Richard Hill rthill13@gmail.com 2110 Jackson Street #602 San Francisco, CA 94115
Instagram: rtill13 - Website: rickhillsf.com - Facebook: Rick Hill SF 415-793-4279
Oliver’s Illuminations Query
Dear
Take a measure of The Little Prince, a dash of Dr. Seuss, add a pinch of Snatch Comics, mix with generous portions of Lewis Carroll and Jonathan Swift, toss in a slice of Hunter S. Thompson, bring to a boil in a cauldron and you will find yourself with something new, OLIVER'S ILLUMINATIONS, a 50,000 word graphic novel with 160 magic realism illustrations, a whimsical children's book of American Empire that softens the painful truth of history with humor, hope and compassion.
OLIVER wakes from a sordid nightmare into the American nightmare of 2006 swaying on a tightrope over a crazed stock market about to crash, a ballooning housing bubble about to burst, and two wars. When he throws himself into the crowded city streets in search of a double scotch on the rocks, his nightmare finds him and almost consumes him. He is saved by a pair of flying dogs who launch him on an extraordinary voyage of American coups, assassinations, invasions, subjugation and domination all coming home to roost, an exceptional journey of American Empire illuminated by a psychedelic bestiary of teachers and lovers, thugs and devils, a fantastic voyage in a parallel world where a saurian fabulist introduces him to a breathtakingly beautiful Chilean who takes him on a tour in her balloon of Banker Skins, where a revolutionary matchmaker hooks him up with a lusty Minotaur who boards him on a tramp steamer christened The Hot Sheets Hotel. Furious sphinxes, fanged prophets, society hags, lecherous publicans, ravenous politicians, crooning mummies, septic wurlitzers, man-eating centipedes, giant dancing geoglyphs, naked purple end timers, iguana commodores, winged catamites, screeching drag queens, putrid CEOs, enraged Komodo dragons, Jakarta wise men, Persian princesses and all the grizzly details of American Empire await.
OLIVER’S ILLUMINATIONS and its extensive bibliography shine a thoroughly researched light on what the people who run our country have been doing to the world without our knowledge in practice for what they are doing to us now. Our knowledge of history is their greatest fear.
I am an award-winning artist and have published fiction and illustration.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Rick Hill - rthill13@gmail.com, Website: rickhillsf.com, Instagram: rthill13, Facebook: Rick Hill SF - 415-793-4279
Dear,
Dancing Around the Cooking Pot Query
DAN, on one last fling after losing everything in the Great Recession shares a cab with LUCIA, a right-wing divorcee who made her fortune in the private prison industry, to a ship embarking on a cheap tour of the Greek Islands. Before he knows it, he is deep in an affair that burns across the Aegean on a ship full of eccentric fellow citizens, each one convinced they know what has gone wrong with their country. BUCK, a Vietnam vet wallowing in bourbon on the rocks is furious that the IMF and its Wall Street masters are working over Greece like a seventy-year-old senator works over a seventeen-year-old intern. BOB and SALLY, a middle -aged couple are beaming with the change they can believe in from their first African American president. GLADYS and NADINE, two wealthy widows are aghast that the little people have put a Bolshevik, Kenyan, Hottentot in the White House. This Molotov Cocktail gets stirred and shaken one night at the bar so hard that CESARIA, an octogenarian bedecked in a whirlwind of tribal fabrics proclaims the ruckus sounds like a bunch of cannibals DANCING AROUND THE COOKING POT. She entices everyone to join her on a tour of the ruins of Knossos. COURTNEY and JUSTIN, a pair of millennials maxing out their credit cards and JOHN, grieving the recent death of his husband are on the bus. An American politician touring the site with his shrew of a wife is happy to take the stage and make it very clear who is in charge in the Greatest Country in the World. When an earthquake buries them both alive, everyone realizes that the only way they can get through riot torn Heraklion to the ship before it sails is to work as one. A tear gas drenched escape binds them together. A storm at sea is another matter. The fire is lit, the cauldron is bubbling and it’s time for dinner.
DANCING AROUND THE COOKING POT is an 88,000-word literary novel that relishes the personalities of a tragicomic cast of Americans, offers humor to expose the canyons between us, compassion to bridge them and a glimmer of hope in a dark warning of what is to come.
I am an award-winning artist and have published fiction and illustrations, written a graphic novel, short stories, poetry and commentary.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Richard Hill rthill13@gmail.com 2110 Jackson Street #602 San Francisco, CA 94115
Instagram: rtill13 - Website: rickhillsf.com - Facebook: Rick Hill SF 415-793-4279
SYNOPSIS
Dancing Around the Cooking Pot - Synopsis
A couple of years after the Great Recession, the Arab Spring has jump started Occupy Wall Street and our fellow countrymen and women are beginning to rant and rave at each other but pedophile pizza parlors, Jewish lasers from outer space and Insurrection haven’t yet entered the picture. DAN, a restaurateur who lost his restaurant in the crash shares a cab in Athens with LUCIA, a recent divorcee who made her fortune in the private prison industry, to a ship embarking on a cheap cruise of the Greek Islands. Before he knows it, they are deep in an affair that burns across the Aegean in suites, cabins, broom closets, lifeboats and donkey stables, and this redhead is just his first taste of a ship full of eccentric fellow citizens, each one convinced they know what has gone wrong with their country and what must be done about it. BUCK, a Vietnam vet wallowing in bourbon on the rocks is furious that the IMF and its Wall Street masters, on a practice run for the good old U. S. of A. are working over Greece like a seventy-year-old senator works over a seventeen-year-old intern. BOB and SALLY, a middle-aged couple beaming with the change they can believe in from their first African American president are proud citizens of the greatest democracy on earth that shines democracy like a beacon into the dark, undemocratic shadows of the undemocratic world. GLADYS and NADINE, two wealthy widows are aghast that the little people have put a Communist, Socialist, Nazi, Bolshevik, Kenyan, Hottentot in the White House. This Molotov Cocktail gets stirred and shaken one night at the bar so hard that CESARIA, an octogenarian bedecked in a whirlwind of tribal fabrics proclaims the ruckus sounds like a bunch of cannibals DANCING AROUND THE COOKING POT and entices everyone to join her on a tour of the ruins of Knossos the next day. On the tour bus, COURTNEY and JUSTIN, a pair of millennials maxing out the last of their credit cards accuse DAN and his fellow Baby Boomers of drowning them in college debt and ruining their lives. Dan is appalled and reminds them both that Boomers are responsible for ending the war in Viet Nam, the Civil Rights Act, The Environmental Movement, the Women’s Rights Movement, The Black Rights Movement, The Gay Rights Movement. “The affront to private property rights act, the capitulation to communism movement, the enviro-nazi movement, the abortion rights movement, the pervert’s rights movement. Movement, movement, movement, bowl movement!”, is their response. When JOHN, a widower grieving the recent death of his husband decides that the archeologist who excavated the ruins was gay as a goose, the bell rings for round two and all hell breaks loose. The melee attracts a slimy American politician touring the ruins with his shrew of a wife. With proud smirks and chins raised high, they are happy to take the stage and make it very clear who is in charge and what is really going on in the greatest country in the world. Then an earthquake collapses a wall and buries them both alive. Suddenly everyone realizes that the only way they can negotiate the rock-strewn roads, slip past the authorities and get through riot torn Heraklion to the ship before it sails is to work as one. A breathless, tear gas drenched escape binds them together. Exhausted and famished, LUCIA, John and Dan learn how deep the millennials despair is over dinner and too much Metaxa. Battling fierce hangovers, the next morning JUSTIN and COURTNEY open up to everyone gathered on the lido deck. COURTNEY shares her hope for jobs in London. JUSTIN tells how Jesus has helped them deal with the army of debt collectors clutching at their throats. Even the coldest heart begins to warm, and everyone gathers round to offer suggestions, sympathy and support. Then bad weather rocks the ship and the good will vanishes. A storm hits, whips up personal demons and shakes everyone’s skeletons out of the closet. JUSTIN and COURTNEY, devastated by the news that there were no jobs waiting for them after all, offer a perfect target for verbal, physical and sexual assault. When the storm abates, the ship is anchored at the base of the ancient caldera of Thira with the whitewashed town of Santorini glittering on its summit but before anyone can disembark, they are assembled in the purser’s office to be questioned about the death of the American politician. The pot is still simmering, the fear of a grueling interrogation sets it to a boil and, sitting ducks once again, JUSTIN and COURTNEY are charged, tried and convicted of being nothing more than a pair of parasitic grifters. When two FBI agents enter the room, they just stare at the carnage. The agents’ eventual questioning is brief and much relieved, everyone rides the tram up the towering wall to gather at the patio of a café perched precariously on the edge of the crater with a spectacular view of the thousand-foot drop to the sea. Embraced in a lingering kiss, JUSTIN and COURTNEY appear, he in a white pressed shirt and she in a strapless red dress. Everyone stares in awe at their innocent beauty and realizes that if they are to find a way forward for their country, they must start with JUSTIN and COURTNEY. As they promise each other they will apologize and support them once and for all, the couple suddenly bolts past them and takes flight. Dan will never forget the shimmering red dress and brilliant white shirt hovering for an endless moment above the blue Aegean.
Nudge Letter
Follow-up on a requested partial or full (no offer)
Dear [agent’s name],
Just dropping in to check on the status of my manuscript, [TITLE], which I sent on [date]. I know you’re crazy busy, so if it’s still in your to-read pile, great. But if it did go astray, I’d be happy to resend it.
Thanks again for your time and consideration.
Best,
Krista
[signature block]
info@lmqlit.com,
requested material
Dear Ms. Massie:
I'm just doing a follow up on the partial of my manuscript, THE CANNIBALS IN THE GARBAGE CAN which you requested and I sent on March 20th. I know how busy you guys are and I mostly want to make sure your received it. If you did not, I will be happy to resend it.
Sorry for the nudge and please forgive me if this is a resend. My email has been acting up.
Thanks again for your time and consideration.
Richard Hill
rthill13@aol.com
rickhillsf.com
415-793-4279
Dear
I deconstruct representation into abstraction then
reconstruct it into representation so the figurative grounds the abstraction
and the abstraction brings the figurative to life.
I create portraits, landscapes, still life, fantasy, dream, abstract work and political cartoons.
I have written and illustrated a graphic novel, written a literary novel, poetry, short stories, one acts and political commentary.
In three dimensions, I have created solo works, installations and furniture.
Experimentation, passion and compassion are paramount.
Instagram – rthill13
Website – rickhillsf.com
Facebook – Rick Hill SF
Blogs – dancingaroundthecookingpot.blogspot.com
magallenes.blogspot.com
thecannibalsinthegarbagecan.blogspot.com
grandmothercanfly.blogspot.com
Pride Not Prejudice Show, Sausalito Center For The Arts - 2023
Studio Gallery: Five group shows – 2017- 2024
San Francisco Open Studios - 1994 – 2023
One of ten artists in San Francisco Open Studios Gallery show promo - 2021
Artbaazar – 2016 – 2021
Artspan Art in the Neighborhoods – PIANOFIGHT, 2017
Pancakes and Booze Exhibitiion – 2017
Top Ten Artists list. Gabe Scott – San Francisco Open Studios – 2015
Literary Novel – Dancing Around The Cooking Pot – 2014
Graphic Novel – Oliver’s Illuminations – 2011
Marin County and Napa County Fair – Eight Awards from First Place - 1998 – 2003
Itheo – 2000 – 2003
Paintings in Disney Pilot, Metropolis – 2000
Pine Street Studios – 1995
All About Art Gallery – 1994
Sculptures and oil on canvas Installations - Baja Beach Club – 1991
Short story and illustration “Night Train” – San Francisco Magazine
Richard Hill rthill13@gmail.com 415-793-4279
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Richard Hill rthill13@aol.com 415-793-4279
rickhillsf.com
Instagram - rthill13 Facebook - Rick Hill SF Artspan.org - Artist Directory
My art focuses on the human condition in all its glory and debasement in a world full of beauty we are all too little aware of. As we struggle toward our potential we so proudly proclaim, I ask myself how can the unending variety of beauty that graces our world be appreciated only some of the time by only one species that’s been around for a flash in the two billion years that have witnessed billions of species come and go? If such an absurd idea can be even near the truth then perhaps the most beautiful thing that has ever existed on earth is the appreciation of beauty itself.
I have been making art most of my life and have brought it to the public for twenty five years. I first joined San Francisco Open Studios in 1994, have created installations for restaurants, participated in various juried art competitions such as the Marin County and Napa County Fairs where I have won eight awards from First Place to Honorable Mention. I have written and illustrated a novel and a graphic novel and am currently working on a third book.
Trailer
I stood outside my hotel in the Plaka in the screaming Athenian sun. A lithe red head walked out of the lobby. My taxi didn’t show. Hers did. I mentioned Piraeus and the cruise I had booked. I caught her heady scent as she invited me into the cab with a nod.
*
“America is stagnant. Our country is a cesspool. We are at war, Daniel. The hair on your chest caught the sunlight in the Plaka. Your eyes are beautiful.”
“At war?”, I wiped away a bead of sweat. “At war with whom?”
“At war with each other.”, Lucia whispered. “We have feasted upon the world and it tasted good, so good we have begun to feast upon each other.”
*
He took the glass in his ham hands and stared at it reverently. “Ah, sweet whiskey. Dive in head first then wallow like a pig in shit. My name’s Buck. What’s yours?”
“My name’s Dan.” I shook his hand. “There’s another way of drinking, you know, kind of like sex. Start out slow and slowly build up.”
Buck smiled. “There’s all kinda fuckin’ just like there’s all kinda drinkin’ an’ eatin’ an’ dancin’ an’ singin’ an’ livin’. I like to mix an’ match. Music and fuckin’ is one o’ my favorites.”
*
Bob grinned lustily at his wife. “I’ve heard the Greek girls are real lookers and so far I can’t argue with that.”
“Oh you men with your one track mind!”, scolded Sally as she fingered her pearls. “We’ve never been to Greece, Dan. You know, democracy was invented here and somehow it feels patriotic as a citizen of the greatest democracy in the world, a country that shines democracy like a beacon into the dark, oppressed, undemocratic shadows of the world to visit the place where democracy was born.” A proud smile spread across her face. “Just before the cruise we went to a wonderful fundraiser for President Obama. We just love President Obama.”
*
Gladys’ jowls bounced. “If you keep giving things away to people they’re going to start expecting it. And when did it become acceptable for the poor to own houses? I mean, these people who blew up the housing market could no more afford a mortgage than they could afford dinner in a decent restaurant and now the rest of us are paying a terrible price. As far as I’m concerned they shouldn’t be allowed to vote either. They just vote themselves more entitlements that the real citizens have to pay for!”
*
Cesaria’s eyebrows raised. “Minotaur? Is she talking about the tour of Knossos tomorrow? I’ll be there. I love the story of Theseus and the Minotaur. It all started with a little bit of bestiality.”
Nadine raised her double vodka stinger. “We’ll all be there! I don’t know about the rest of you but I’m on this vacation to forget about the fact that my portfolio is in the toilet, that I’m down to a bare bones staff and that we have a Hottentot in the White House!”
*
The bus shuddered and lurched as it wandered out of the city. Courtney stared at us. “Justin and I are desperate because we have just graduated from college with tens of thousands of dollars in debt hanging over our heads and we can’t find work! We can’t go bankrupt on a student loan! We’re doomed but we still have credit cards so we said to heck with it, we’re going out with a bang!”
*
The guide’s answer was terse. “Sir Arthur Evans thought that the Minoan priests may have dressed in female clothes when they worshiped their goddesses.”
Justin frowned. “It sounds like this guy was framing history in his life style.”
“Life style?”, shot John. “Where the hell did they dig that word up?”
“Well, it is a life style!”, announced Sally loudly. “The gay life style!”
“A life style is something you choose!”, said John, his voice rising. “Do you think I would have put up with all the shit I put up with all my life if I had a choice?”
*
Gladys and Nadine hobbled toward the senator. “What an amazing thrill it is to meet a candidate for president of the United States on some God forsaken Greek island!”
*
The ruins began to shake. A cloud of dust sprang up. A large crack appeared in the floor in front of us and shot straight toward the senator and his entourage. The stone door frames swayed above them. The ground opened.
THE CANNIBALS IN THE GARBAGE CAN is an 80,000 word literary novel that explores a cross section of Americans on a cheap cruise of the Aegean and offers a hilariously dark example of the snake pit of outrage and hysteria into which the country has descended. I have published fiction and illustrations and written and illustrated a graphic novel. The manuscript is available upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Query #58
The country is reeling from an election that has resulted in a firestorm of outrage, blame, fear, hatred, violence and smug revenge. DANCING AROUND THE COOKING POT is a very funny and very dark 80,000 word literary novel that explores how we got there. Five years prior, a cross section of Americans meet on a cheap cruise of the Greek Islands.
DAN has lost his restaurant in the great recession and hopes a cruise will inspire him to rebuild his life. Aboard ship he enters a perfect storm when he starts an affair with LUCIA, a right wing divorcee who made her fortune in the private prison industry, meets a liberal, middle class couple eagerly awaiting the hope and change they can believe in, two wealthy widows who rage about how the little people put a “Hottentot” in the White House, and BUCK, a Vietnam vet furious at the corporate rape of Greece and happy to discuss the pleasures of mixing music and sex. One night, all seven, along with an elderly lady fresh from a pilgrimage to Kerala congregate at the bar and the shit hits the fan. The next day, the cat fight continues when a married millennial couple convinced that the Baby Boomers have drowned them in college debt, and a middle aged widower grieving the recent death of his husband join them on a bus bound for the temple of Knossos. At the ruins, a limo pulls up and a pompous American politician and his slimy wife enter the melee. Just as the pair manage to bully everyone into submission, an earthquake topples a wall on both of them leaving the rest to put aside their squabbling and fight their way through riot torn Heraklion to the ship before it sails. That night, DAN, LUCIA, and the widower convince the millennials that they can never return home to the ravenous collection agencies and their only hope is to find work abroad. The following morning on the lido deck, reminiscences of everyone pulling together to over come the previous day’s adventures begins to build a mutual bond but when the ensemble meets for lunch, the ship is hit by bad weather and the camaraderie evaporates. DAN and BUCK retire to the bar to ruminate on the dark days descending upon their country. The rest are racked with sea sickness as the storm whips their personal demons into a frenzy. The millennials, reeling from the news that there is no work abroad offer a perfect target. Before the day is over, they are verbally, physically and sexually assaulted. When dawn breaks and the ship anchors at the base of the volcanic crater of Thira crowned with the beautiful town of Santorini, everyone except BUCK is assembled in the purser’s office for questioning about the death of the politician. An attempt to coordinate a mutual defense soon deteriorates into fear and recrimination. Once more, a bead is drawn on the millennials who are mocked and ridiculed from all sides. After a brief interrogation by the authorities, all but BUCK and the millennials collect on the patio of a cafe in Santorini perched on a cliff over the Aegean. A round of drinks is served with a goodbye note from Buck that demands everyone look after the millennials because they are the country’s future. When the two finally enter the patio, they embrace passionately. Shamed by Buck’s note, the crowd is in awe of their beauty and innocence but when they greet them with open arms, the millennials break into a run and leap off the cliff to their deaths.
The plot and the satirical trajectory of The Cannibals In The Garbage Can reflect our inability as Americans to come together and overcome the dangerous challenges the country faces but the meat of the story is a compassionate exploration of each of the eleven Americans that is driven by their interaction with each other. I have published fiction and illustration and written and illustrated a graphic novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Rick Hill
rthill13@aol.com
rickhillsf.com
Instagram: rthill13
415-793-4279
2110 Jackson Street # 602
San Francisco, CA 94115
Synopsis
A bartender tossing the trash feels the man sprawled out in the alley doesn’t belong there, takes pity on him and invites him in for a drink. DAN begins his story: His restaurant has folded, he’s almost broke and he needs to regroup. He books a cheap cruise of the Greek islands. He shares a cab to the ship with LUCIA, a right wing divorcee who made her fortune in the private prison industry. Twenty four hours later, they have begun a desperately blazing affair. After their first fight, Dan finds himself drinking with BUCK, a whimsical, raging Vietnam vet. When spills his lunatic love story, Buck reminds him that the world is swimming in lunacy, using the plans of the EU and the IMF to eviscerate the nation of Greece as an example. Buck orders another round but Dan begs off. In the dining room, he is seated with BOB and his wife SALLY, as proud of their three homes as they are of their African American president. Lucia storms to the table and drags Dan out to the deck where they make up in a life boat. They have lunch the following day with two old friends of Lucia. GLADYS and NADINE are a pair of wealthy widows furious with the middle class for putting a 'Hottentot’ in the White House. That evening the four of them end up in the bar with Bob, Sally and Buck and a booze fueled cauldron of politics, arrogance and delusion ensues. CESARIA, and elderly woman dressed in tribal fabric enters at the denouement. When she discovers that all have agreed on a tour of the ruins of Knossos the next day, she offers the myth of the Minotaur as a metaphor for power and corruption. Only three others join the crowd on the tour bus. JOHN, a gay man in his forties keeps to himself at first. JUSTIN and COURTNEY, a young couple who have found Jesus and are fleeing their mountain of college debt with the last of their credit verbally assault Dan and Lucia for being members of the Baby Boomer generation that has ruined the country. Things quiet down at Knossos. John laments the recent death of his husband. Buck announces he tried to board a relief ship to Gaza in Heraklion, but the fragile truce doesn’t last and the squabbling from the night before doubles down even as the crowd is joined by a candidate for president and his wife on a campaign hiatus who jump gladly into the fracas until they, along with their secret service escort are buried in a pile of rubble when an earthquake rocks the island. The tour guide rushes everyone on to the bus and they fight their way through riots and tear gas to catch the ship before it sails. That night, Dan, Lucia, John, Courtney and Justin join each other for dinner. As the booze begins to take its toll, Justin’s interest in John’s homosexuality goes beyond curious and Courtney realizes she has been had by the banks, the church and the just about everyone else. The next morning, the ship approaches the Isle of Rhodes. Everyone rises to face the day and their encroaching demons to meet on the lido for breakfast. After relying on each other to get back to the ship, they put aside their differences. John is intrigued by Buck and by an unexpected competition in Justin. Dan notices Bob is more than interested in Courtney. Cesaria entertains everyone with a description of her waiting family and extends an invitation to a feast but as the island appears on the horizon, a column of smoke is rising from the port and the captain announces the ship cannot land due to riots. Cesaria wanders away in despair, the table slowly breaks up and Dan and Lucia are left alone to face the political chasm that stretches between them. After a bitter exchange, they decide to make up in a janitor’s closet. At noon, Dan requests a table for eleven. Everyone shows up and as Gladys notices storm clouds on the horizon, Buck orders the lambs testicles. Justin eagerly follows and lunch ensues. A spontaneous exchange of stories with a ‘Fluffy’ theme does not amuse Gladys. The ship is beginning to roll with the oncoming storm. Dan offers the real reason why Gladys and Nadine despise the president but before they can smugly concur, Sally angrily stops them, declaring the terrible damage ‘that word’ can cause. Suddenly a wave of sea sickness overwhelms her and she admits all three of her homes are under water before rushing from the room. The ship sways and dips. The cutlery dances on the table. Courtney shames Bob, who is staring fawningly at her, into following his wife then realizes Gladys’ and Nadine’s earlier promises of help in finding work in London were pompous bluster. She runs to make some calls herself. Dan’s disdain for the source of Lucia’s wealth drives her into the arms of Gladys and Nadine who usher her out. Cesaria excuses herself when the conversation turns to sex in public places and John closes in on Justin’s closeted homosexuality, forcing him from the table. The storm is full upon the ship. John turns green and makes for his cabin. Buck and Dan retire to the bar. The story weaves in, out and around Buck and Dan drowning their pain over their awakening awareness of the direction their lives, their country and the world is taking. John, running from the ghost of his dead husband finds Lucia on deck running from the arms of Gladys and Nadine after realizing she may very well be in love with Dan. Cesaria, drenched with rain finds Justin agonizing over his conflicted sexuality. Sally empties her stomach into the toilet and rushes out of her suite with the sudden horrifying realization that her husband is drooling over Courtney. Courtney calls her contacts in Britain and begs for work in vain. She stumbles out of her cabin with the memory of the debt collector’s pornographic threats ringing in her ears. Gladys’ and Nadine’s maternal instincts kick in when they accept that Lucia is in love and in their search to comfort her, run into Courtney. She begs them one last time to help her and Justin find work in London but they callously dismiss her. Bob finds her gasping with despair and invites her into his suite. She is comforted by his seemingly paternal concern but is horrified by his sudden sexual attack. Sally bursts in, blames Courtney for what she sees and slaps her. She is pulled away by Justin who has heard the ruckus and pushed open the door. Sally explodes, calls Justin a faggot and vomits all over herself. Lucia finds Dan in the bar but rather than rush into his arms, she has second thoughts and leaves. Dan ends up on the prow angry and humiliated, clutching the railing and riding the fury of the storm. When a rogue wave almost casts him overboard, he promises himself he will get control of his life, face it head on and never, ever leave by the back door. The next morning, the ship is docked at the island of Thira. Everyone but Buck, Justin and Courtney is assembled in the pursers office for questioning about the deaths of the Senator and his wife. After a futile attempt to coordinate a mutual defense, they begin to turn on each other. All the cannibalistic bickering, finger pointing and teeth gnashing of the last few days come to a head. When Courtney and Justin walk through the door, they offer the perfect target. The two FBI agents arrive and gape at the carnage. After things quiet down, everyone is relieved that the questioning is brief and they collect on the patio of a cafe perched on a cliff in Santorini. The round of drinks and a goodbye note from Buck asking them to take care of Justin and Courtney as they are the country’s future results in mutual chastisement all around for their brutal attack in the purser’s office. When Justin and Courtney enter the patio holding hands, they are greeted with open arms but they break into a run, dash past the crowd and leap over the cliff to their deaths. Dan has finished his story. The bartender is asleep at the bar. Dan pours himself a drink to brace himself for his return to the gutter but as he puts it to his lips, Buck appears in a vision and asks him if he’s had enough of suicide. Remembering the Occupy camp down by the waterfront, he turns and walks to the back door. When he reaches it, he pauses but only for a moment before pushing it open and stepping into the brisk morning air.
1474 words
500 word synopsis
DAN has lost his restaurant. With what little money he has left, he books a cheap cruise of the Aegean to sort out his troubles. Aboard ship, he starts a star crossed affair with LUCIA, meets a husband and wife eagerly awaiting the hope and change they’ve been promised, two widows bitterly clinging to what is left of their upper class lives, and BUCK, a Vietnam vet who educates him on the arts of music and sex and bemoans the impending corporate rape of Greece. That evening, all seven meet at the bar and a booze fueled political imbroglio ensues. An elderly lady wrapped in tribal fabrics enters at the denouement and offers a modern take of the myth of the Minotaur. The next day, an island wide general strike offers a private tour of the ruins of Knossos and the caterwauling starts anew as the previous night’s combatants are joined by a pair of angry newlyweds fleeing a mountain of college debt, and a middle aged widower struggling with the recent death of his husband. A candidate for president on a campaign hiatus, his wife and their secret service escort on their own private tour enter the melee that reaches a crescendo when an earthquake kills the candidate and his entourage leaving the rest to fight their way through riot torn Heraklion to the ship before it sails. At dinner, Dan, Lucia and the widower join the newlyweds who, with the help of wine, ouzo and metaxa come to realize that their country has screwed them and their only hope is to find work abroad. The next morning, everyone meets at the lido. Reminiscences of the previous day’s adventures wash away their differences as they all get to know each other. The elderly lady invites everyone for lunch at her family’s farm on Rhodes, their next destination but the smoking island appears on the horizon and the captain announces the port is closed. When the ensemble meets for lunch in the dining room, the ship is hit by a storm, the camaraderie evaporates and the table empties. Buck and Dan retire to the bar to discuss the dark days facing their country. The others wander the ship fighting sea sickness and their personal demons including the newlyweds who, reeling from the discovery that there are no jobs abroad, find themselves sexually assaulted then accused of parasitic seduction. The next morning at the island of Thira, everyone but Buck assembles in the pursers office for questioning by the FBI about the deaths of the candidate and his wife. An attempt to coordinate a mutual defense soon deteriorates into a snake pit of recrimination and the newlyweds are sacrificed on an alter of pent up hostility and fear. When the FBI agents arrive, they gape at the carnage. After a brief interrogation, all but Buck and the newlyweds collect on the patio of a cafe perched on a cliff in Santorini. A round of drinks with a goodbye note from BUCK asking them to take care of the newlyweds because they are the country’s future shames them into mutual chastisement. When the newlyweds enter the patio, they are greeted with open arms but they break into a run and leap over the cliff to their deaths.
Query and Synopsis for Grizzly
Dear Mr.
Nadine was primping her hair. “This cruise is so cheap, it’s almost free! I have done without ever since the crash. I mean, I was terrified just like everyone else. I let Consuela go. Juan and Haruki are indispensable. I can hardly be expected to drive myself to my bridge games and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have a gardener. Of course they are almost family so they understood that there needed to be shared sacrifices and agreed to a pay cut. I even cut back Maria’s hours. Can you believe it? Did I tell you, Gladys that her father died and she had the nerve to ask me for two hundred dollars to help with the funeral? Two hundred dollars! What was she planning on, a bronze coffin? How many bronze coffins do you think there are in Mexico? She even pulled the loyalty card. I reminded her that she may have worked for me for fourteen years but I was the one paying for it. After subjecting me to much weeping and hair pulling, I finally said I would lend it to her, with ten percent interest, of course. I mean for God’s sake, I had to close down the house in Pebble for the summer. The summer! That was the last straw. I finally said to Gladys, enough is enough. We just have to get away somewhere and if it all comes crashing down around our heads at least we had the courage and the joie de vivre to go out in style.”
It’s 2011 and those who caused the Great Recession are doing quite well for themselves but austerity is crushing the Southern Periphery in Europe, the Arab Spring is exploding in the Middle East and the American middle class is beginning to crumble. THE CANNIBALS IN THE GARBAGE CAN is a black comedy set on a cheap cruise of the Aegean that explores a raucous cross section of that middle class. Dan and Lucia meet in a cab on the way to the ship. The private prison industry has done her very well, the restaurant business, not so much for him. She loves Ronald Reagan. He tells her she won’t be loving anybody when her head is on a pike but their differences don’t stop them up from ending up in bed together, a life boat, a janitor’s closet and maybe even the donkey stables in Santorini. Justin and Courtney, young newlyweds running from a mountain of college debt have found Jesus who they are quite sure would not approve of John, a gay widower who is himself quite sure that an unmarried man in his thirties roaming the country side with twelve other unmarried men two thousand years ago wasn’t sure of anything at all. Gladys and Nadine are two well off widows certain that the Hottentot the little people have put in the White House will ruin the country. Bob and Sally are convinced he will save it along with their underwater mortgage. Cesaria, fresh from a pilgrimage to Kerala has come to believe the Change She Can Believe in is just another hoax. Buck’s duty in Viet Nam opened his eyes long ago to the fact that the thugs running the country have much worse than a hoax in mind. After introductions over lunch and dinner, the stage is set for a hilarious, booze fueled political imbroglio that unfolds in the ship’s bar and spills over the next day on a tour of the ruins of Knossos. The caterwauling hardly takes a pause when a senator with presidential aspirations on a campaign hiatus with his wife and secret service escort enter the melee just in time to be buried alive by an earthquake. A desperate race back to the ship through riots in Heraklion binds the survivors together. As they spontaneously gather on the lido the next morning, they get to know each other, begin to find as Americans they have as more in common than they thought and gather around to offer comfort and advise to the newlyweds who are beginning to realize that they may never return home to face the rapacious credit agencies and a life of indentured servitude, but when a violent storm at sea sets everyone at each other’s throats again, the newlyweds are buffeted from character to character. Justin is terrorized by various repeated suggestions that he is a closet case. Courtney, after discovering that the jobs they hoped to find abroad do not exist is offered comfort by Bob in his suite, only to be sexually assaulted by him then accused of seduction by his delusional wife. By the time everyone is assembled in a state of overblown paranoia to face questioning the next morning by the FBI about the senator’s death, the fire is raging under the cooking pot, the cannibals are dancing madly round and, Jesus notwithstanding, Justin and Courtney, an obvious example of a spoiled generation drowning in self inflicted debt are on the menu. When the FBI agents show up, they gape at the carnage. After a harmless interrogation, all but Buck, Justin and Courtney collect on the patio of a cafe perched on a cliff in Santorini. A round of drinks that arrives with a goodbye note from Buck asking them to take care of the young couple because they are the country’s future shames everyone into mutual chastisement. When Justin and Courtney enter the patio, they are greeted with open arms but they break into a run and leap over the cliff to their deaths.
THE CANNIBALS IN THE GARBAGE CAN is a 94000 word literary novel that explores with humor and pathos eleven Americans who, like most of their fellow citizens, are furious at what has gone wrong with The Greatest Country In The World, absolutely certain who is responsible and, rather than join together, turn against each other as their democracy, their prosperity and the very country itself are stolen out from under their noses. There is a need for a literary exploration of what the country is going through. I have published fiction and illustrations and written and illustrated a graphic novel. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Richard Hill
2110 Jackson Street # 602
San Francisco, CA 94115
415-793-4279
AGENTS FOR DANCING AROUND THE COOKING POT
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AGENTS FOR OLIVER'S ILLUMINATIONS
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Walesliteray sent 9/28/17
Take a measure of The Little Prince and Dr. Seuss, add a dash of Snatch Comics, mix with a generous portion of Lewis Carroll, Jonathan Swift and a pinch of Hunter S. Thompson, bring them to a boil in a cauldron of Evil and you find yourself with something new, OLIVER'S ILLUMINATIONS, a whimsical children's book for three hundred million American children.
Oliver wakes from a nightmare of George Dubya Bush and his cannibalistic apparatchik and wanders into an American night of a crazed stock market, a ballooning housing bubble and two wars. He doesn't find the double Dewar's on the rocks he is searching for but he does find his nightmare and it almost consumes him. He is saved by a pair of flying dogs who launch him on a voyage in a fantastic parallel world of teachers and assassins, saints and devils where he discovers that the last thing the Land Of The Free has been spreading around the world is liberty and democracy.
We turned around to see an enormous orange centipede shaking with fury rising up over us. Its antennae coiled and snapped around its jaws. Its dozens of legs flailed wildly. “What in the hell are you punks doing down here? Do you know what I do with nosy little twits like you? I eat them for lunch. If you’re so interested in what these dried up husks have to say about torture and death then maybe it’s time for a little demonstration!”
Pat and Nanette froze with fear. Claudia grabbed my arm. Christ, no magic dogs, no magic balloon. It looked like this was it.
“Aren’t you in the least bit interested in why we are here?”, I asked in desperation.
It worked, at least for a moment. The centipede paused. A sadistic grin expanded across its round head. “So you’ve uncovered a couple of banana republic coups. So what? What are you going to do, tell everyone?” A sharp cackle escaped its jaws. “Do you really think anyone gives a rat’s ass about a couple of coups in South America? Do you think anyone gives a flying fuck about a hundred coups in a hundred countries? What is justice? What is freedom? What is democracy? Tiny candles on the shit cake of humanity, there for distraction, there for decoration, nothing more. But enough of this. I’m hungry.”
OLIVER’S ILLUMINATIONS is an illuminated manuscript with 159 color illustrations and 45000 words. It is an American empire primer for a country much in need of a basic education and now more than ever, very much ready for one. I have published fiction and illustrations, written a literary novel and won several awards. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Rick Hill
2110 Jackson Street, #602, San Francisco, CA 94115
rthill13@aol.com
rickhillsf.com
Instagram: rthill13
415-793-4279
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